


Five AUs That Should Not Happen

by kuonji



Category: Gundam SEED
Genre: Crack, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-08
Updated: 2011-09-08
Packaged: 2017-10-23 13:35:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/250862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuonji/pseuds/kuonji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what the title says... A parody in five parts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five AUs That Should Not Happen

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative Links:  
> <http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2564336/1/>

**I. Five...**

Kira ran across the flagstones, looking for a safe place to hide.

After shoving that blonde girl -- the guest of Ssigh's transfiguration professor -- into the safe niche behind the tapestry, he had to find a shelter for himself as well. He ran by the battle he had witnessed before. It seemed to have spread, and Kira found it nearly impossible, even with his invisibility cloak on, to navigate through.

He kept a careful eye on the battle that raged across the flagstones, trying not to get in the way of a misplaced blast. He saw a female Auror with crinkled light brown hair roll out of the way of an attack to hide behind a stone gargoyle. Unfortunately, she didn't notice the dark-robed wizard taking aim at her back.

"Look out!" Kira cried, and she turned just in time to avoid a garish green bolt that shattered the gargoyle. She took care of the attacker efficiently, then turned with puzzled eyes toward where Kira stood. Remembering, Kira edged off the hood of his cloak to show her his face.

"Who... A student?" she said, disbelieving. "Watch out!" All business again, the Auror dissuaded the person who had been about to attack Kira from behind with a vicious " _Furnunculus_!" Looking positively harried, she shouted, "Get your cloak back on and come over here. There's nothing left but debris down that passage!"

Kira obeyed her command immediately. He covered himself and slipped through the melee towards her protection.

People were fighting in the hallway, exchanging hexes right and left. In the midst of the battle, Kira watched the Auror throw a powerful spell at one of the enemy. He fell to the floor, quite instantly dead. But another of the dark-robed intruders retaliated and Kira saw the Auror get knocked backwards.

She flew several yards down the hallway in Kira's direction, and he ran to her, his invisiblity cloak flapping around his ankles and falling open around him as he knelt beside her.

Hearing footsteps, he turned.

The enemy wizard was running at them, brandishing his wand, fury on his face. He slid to an abrupt halt when he noticed Kira. Both boys' eyes widened with disbelief.

"Athrun...?"

"Kira...?"

Athrun -- and it was indeed his old friend from when he had lived in Scotland -- was here. He was slightly taller and broader across the shoulders, but he had the same chin-length navy hair and intelligent green-blue eyes. The right sleeve of his otherwise normal robes had fallen back to show a strange tatoo of... a skull?

They stared at each other in shock. Athrun should have gone back to France. Kira's family had nearly gone there as well, but with all the uncertainties after the war broke out, they had decided to take refuge in Hogwart's at the last.

The Auror stirred in his arms and lifted her wand with an effort.

Athrun's eyes narrowed, and he dodged to the side. Just avoiding the mumbled hex aimed at him, he seized what looked like a crystal ball from the ground, and fled.

**II. Four...**

"Kira, why are you allying yourself with the evil of Morgoth? You should be fighting with the House of Feanor against the Dark Lord, as are we."

Athrun's attacks pressed him back as did his questions, and Kira shrank behind his shield, still uncomfortable with these tools of battle. Other confrontations of steel rang around them.

"I have no reason to fight you, dear friend," he answered truthfully. "And I do not fight for Morgoth. But there are comrades, and friends, whom I must protect." He grit his teeth and steadied his stance. With a cry, he charged forward to meet Athrun's next swing. "And you, Athrun," he accused, his eyes boring into the water-hued ones of his child-hood friend, "why do you fight at all? You, who always professed to despise war. What has commanded you to attack the innocents of our fair city?"

"Your city understands nothing," Athrun snarled in reply. "They harbor spies and build war machines for the Darkness in exchange for mean gold. Do they think we can allow this?"

"I..." Kira felt himself weakening, and Athrun finally got the upper hand. With a deft movement, he knocked Kira's weapon out of his hands and tackled him to the ground. Combating Kira's naked blows expertly, he shoved his friend face-downwards and began tying his arms.

"Come with me quietly, Kira. I shall not harm you. Nay, I will take you back with me to the Gamow camp."

"Release me! I will not join your army." Kira's struggles were in vain, for he had neither the leverage nor the training that Athrun did.

"You are an elf, and one of us. Stop your foolish behavior or else... or else I shall be forced to slay you."

Kira stilled. "Athrun..."

Athrun tightened the ropes more gently than he would have for any other creature. "My mother died in the attack on Middle Earth." He had not meant to confess such a thing here on the battlefield. But how could he not?

Kira's heart broke for his friend. He remembered Athrun's mother, with the beautiful voice and shining night-colored tresses. And who did not know of the innocents who had perished in Middle Earth on that dread day?

Before either could speak again, however, an arrow whistled between them. Athrun leapt back and Kira rolled to his knees to confront his rescuer.

"Mwu!"

**III. Three...**

Kira pulled his car up on the lefthand curb, a 1979 blue and white classic with gold and red trim. Somehow, it managed not to look as garish as the description sounded. He put his car into park but left the engine running.

He waited for the sleek dark red convertible to pull up on the other side of the street before getting out. Steadying his arms on the hood of his car, he trained his gun on the other's driver's seat and called, "Open up your door." After a moment, the driver did so.

Athrun Zala glared out at him. The red bandanna with white and black markings still seemed foreign to Kira, but otherwise the visage of his childhood friend was the same as three years ago, before this f-ing gang war had started, when the two of them used to run the city wild together.

Feeling the tenseness, but nevertheless offering a smile, Kira said to the occupant of his passenger's side seat, "Call out, Lacus. So he knows it's you."

Lacus rolled down her window and waved at her boyfriend. "Athrun!" Athrun visibly relaxed. Taking out his cellphone, he dialed a number in memory and reported, "She's here." Nodding at a command given from the other side, he put the cellphone away and got out of the car.

Kira nodded to Lacus. "Go ahead, girl. Careful." She got out and crossed the street to where Athrun waited. She walked with the full poise and dignity of the sole daughter of the current boss of ZAFT, the biggest gang in the PLANT district. As Athrun took the pink-haired girl in his arms, Kira was sure that he had done the right thing.

Straightening, Athrun turned to Kira, his eyes intense. "Kira, come join us!" he called. "Why are you wearing OMNI's colors, anyway? You should be a ZAFT, like us." Kira's parents were Orbs, but Kira had ZAFT blood in him. There was no reason for him to be teaming with the OMNIs, who had gunned down Athrun's moms outside the supermarket like so much white trash.

Kira bit his lip. "I can't, man. There's guys back in my hood I need to protect."

Athrun's eyes hardened. "All right, if that's the way it is. But next time I see you I'm going to have to shoot. You know that, right?"

Kira's hands tightened on his gun. "Me too." He backed off, then jumped in his car and peeled away.

Athrun watched him go, his stomach churning with confusion and anger and the horrible feeling of helplessness.

Finally, shoving all that aside, he turned to Lacus and offered her a smile. "So, honey, you wants to get some hot coffee on the way back?"

**IV. Two...**

Kira and Athrun stood on opposite sides of the field, watching each other warily. Finally, each took a step forward. Then another. Then another.

Members of Kira's pride snarled as Athrun passed, but Kira tossed his mane at them in a clear 'don't touch' motion, and they fell silent. Technically, he was now an outsider himself, but he had once been one of them and they now fought on the same side. The lions of the Orblands trusted Kira and stood back.

The two lions stopped several feet apart. Each bore wounds from the ferocious battle with the OMNI pride. Athrun had unexpectedly come to their assistance in the nick of time. Their home, Archangel, was safe -- for now. The enemy waited just beyond the rise.

The moment stretched, edging closer and closer to becoming awkward -- until with an echoing call, Tolliy swooped up and perched himself on Kira's back. The appearance of the little zebra bird instantly lightened the atmosphere.

Kira smiled at Athrun for the first time. "Hi, Athrun," he said.

Athrun seemed unsure how to reply, swishing his tail back and forth in agitation.

A lean golden lioness detached herself from the pride and ran at the two, her amber eyes filling with tears. "You guys...!" she cried, throwing herself to a stop between them. "You idiots!"

And as she cried between them, the two childhood friends softened, and grinned.

**V. One.**

Kira and Athrun stood together on the beach, silent. They watched as the sun sank lower and lower into the water.

"It's unbelievable, isn't it."

"It is." So much had happened here, so much of it strange. It had been quite an incomprehensible time.

They pulled the hoods back over their pointed ears and turned to board their ship. There was much data to be analyzed, and the trip back to Vulcan would be a long one.

  
END.


End file.
